What should I really be longing for?

The past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind for me. I feel like life is rushing past me.

I am a person who likes order, control, times of rest....I long for the 'perfect life' where its easy to wake up early in the morning and spend time with God, where I can go for a peaceful, invigorating 20 minute walk as the sun rises, where the before school routine runs smoothly with an element of joy in the air, where I can leave my house clean, neat, ordered, where I am so organised that I have lots of extra time to sit and read and play and have fun with my husband and children....

I also want to be readily and happily available to the needs of my family, friends, neighbours, church, community, not overwhelmed with housework....

Is it wrong to long for this perfect life?

Wouldn't having these things work out for me make me more Christlike?

There's a huge part of me that thinks it would!

But what does God think, what does He want for my life?

I strongly believe He is sovereign and in control of everything that happens in my life, that He has a purpose for everything, that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and who are called by Him.

But it is so hard and such a test of my faith when my 'perfect life' gets 'interrupted'

by helping others and by misunderstandings,
by washing machines, vacuum cleaners and dishwashers breaking down,
by unexpected guests and meetings,
by sickness and financial pressures,
by the presence of snakes and demonic activity happening within metres of our home....

How is is possible to have my 'perfect life' and be able to do the things which supposedly make me more Christlike and peaceful when these things come into my life?

Reading the following from our latest book club book, What happens when women say yes to God - Experiencing God in extraordinary ways, by Lysa Terkeurst, helped me with my attitude towards all this.

There are some things God wants us to get settled in our heart. Do we want to chase after the world's emptiness instead of His fullness? Or do we want our lives to be characterised by perfect love instead of perfect performance? Many people halfheartedly claim to be Christians, believing that because we will never be perfect on this side of eternity we have an excuse to pursue that which pleases our human longings. Why not push the limits, live for the now, and worry about eternity later? The problem is that we miss the whole point of our existence, the very purpose for which we were created. God made us for the relationship of His perfect love. While we are not capable of perfect performance this side of eternity, we are capable of prefect love. We can settle in our hearts that we will choose God's love and the pursuit of a love relationship with Him above all else, not matter what comes our way.

After reading this I spent ages pondering the fact that I am capable of perfect love towards God. I can choose to love God with all my heart, no matter what comes my way. That's what I should long for (not my ideal of a perefct life), to love God, to choose to love Him no matter what happens, no matter what He allows to come my way. He wants my heart more than my good deeds, a heart that has chosen to trust Him completely even when it feels like everything is failing apart. Later in chapter Lysa writes,

Nothing in life is certain. Circumstances roll in and out like the ocean's tide. The unknown can sometimes seem so frightening as we ponder all the tragic possibilities that we know can and do happen to people. We catch ourselves wondering what the next page of life might hold. We can't stop or control the things that roll our way anymore than we can stop the water's edge. But we can make the minute by minute choice to let our souls rest in God.
"Rest knowing all is safe in My Hands. Rest is Trust. Ceaseless activity is distrust. Without the knowledge that I am working for you, you do not rest. Inaction then would be the outcome of despair. My hand is not shortened that it cannot save. Know that, repeat that, rely on it, welcome the knowledge, delight in it. Such a truth is as a hope flung to a drowning man. Every repetition of it is one pull nearer shore and safety."

So I am choosing to love and trust. I am choosing to not be overwhelmed by the lack of order, by my dysfunctional household appliances, by threats of snakes, mice and demons, by fears of broken friendships and misunderstandings....

Its in all these times that I truly learn to know and love God, that I understand more deeply and fully about the love of God, the sacrifice He made. I am thankful for all the overwhelming things that have happened int he past two weeks, for the whirlwind I feel like I am in, because it is drawing me so much deeper into the love of God, drawing me further into that place of complete trust and surrender, deeper into goodness and treasure of His Word.