Reflections on my 2 year old!

The baby of our family turned 2 yesterday! I try not to think about the fact that she is not a baby anymore too much. I can’t believe how quickly time flies, 2 seems so old! All the ‘baby’ things of our house are slowly starting to disappear. Bibs, baby toys, high chairs, have been packed away, soon the cot, will be on its way out the door as well!

It feels like only yesterday we made mad dash to the hospital where she was born. Out the 4, her birth was definitely the best! Number 1 I had an epidural and a resulting headache, so I didn’t experience too much pain, however the pain of afterbirth took a lot out of me. Number 2 and 3 were both filled with excruciating pain, they were similar births, fairly quick so no time for epidurals, just intense pain muffled with puffs of gas! So when I fell pregnant with number 4 I was not looking forward to the birth. It was something I dreaded, hence it was something I prayed fervently about. My prayer was that it would be different to what I had already experienced, and that through it all I would be so aware of the presence of God, and that the pain would not dull me from trusting in God. This was one of my prayers 3 weeks before I gave birth to her.

“…I feel so inadequate, of giving birth to her and to care for her. I am so scared of the pain of childbirth, but I know that You are with me – every moment, please help me to not be anxious, but to have Your peace which passes all understanding, to trust in You each step of the way – to not be consumed by it (the pain).”

Well, God certainly answered my prayers. I was having labour pains on and off for 2 days. This helped me prepare, mentally, spiritually and to get my house in order. On the day she was born I had an appointment with my obstetrician at around 3:30pm. I told him that I had been having pains every ½ hour, so he checked me out and said I wasn’t dilating, so those pains could possibly go on for another week or so (she wasn’t due for another week)! So we went away convinced I was not in labour! I took it fairly easy for the rest of the day, my husband cooked tea and I rested on the couch, I was still having pains, and around 6pm they were getting more intense, longer and regular. I still kept telling myself, ‘you better get used to this, I could have this for another week yet!’. At around 7pm my husband went down to the chemist to get some sleeping pills (cause he hadn’t been sleeping well!) and when he got back he found me on the floor in intense pain, he said, "do you think I should call the hospital?” and I said “ I think so, I think I am in labour?!”. So he rang the hospital and they said to come down, he then rang his parents and asked them to come over the look after the kids. We got in the car around 8pm (the hospital was about a 20 minute drive), I started to convince myself that I was in labour now! My husband really had no idea of the intensity of the situation, he did his best to get there as quick as possible (without speeding!) while I sat in the back doing a lot of heavy breathing and fervent praying. When we got the hospital, I told him I needed a wheelchair, it was then that I think he realised how serious and close this baby was to coming out! He wheeled me up, straight into the delivery room and within 10 minutes of arrival out she came! It all seemed so quick, and because I had most of my contractions in the car, it definitely was a different labour to what I had already experienced. The pain was so much more bearable, and with no pain relief available I realised how effective deep breathing is! And I felt that God was with me all the way, I communicated with Him constantly in my head, and felt His peace which surpasses all understanding! After she was born, I just lay there repeatedly thanking Him that it was all over! That whole experience still feels so fresh, and yet my baby is now 2, walking, talking, eating starting to do so many things by herself!

People keep asking as if we will have another baby, and my response is always- talk to my husband about that!. I am very content with 4 children. Having come from a family of 2, I have always wanted more than 2 children, 3 would have been great, but my husband wanted an even number so we decided on 4. But I often struggle with thoughts of "what if God wants us to have more children, what if He wants us to raise a ‘big’ family". My desires for having anymore children are completely God related, if I had a choice, 4 would be just enough, but should God want us to have more, I always want to be willing for that – after all, we are raising them for Him, they have been put on this earth for Him, for His purposes. However, at this stage in our lives, my husband is content with 4, so that’s my answer, if you want to know if we are having anymore, you will have to talk to my husband and God about that!